Fast Food Franchise Owners

I used to work for a fast food franchise somewhere in a college town in Northern Utah. I really don't want to say what the company is or who the owner is because the people that read this blog on a regular basis will know who I'm talking about anyway.

One of the benefits (downsides) to having kids is that you get to watch lots of cartoons. Mr. G's (the son I named and older version of this blog after) favorite cartoon is "Spongebob Square Pants". Spongebob's boss is Mr. Eugene Krabs. Mr. Krabs favorite expressions are, "I like money." and "The money is always right." If Mr. Krabs were being shot at and his daughter was on one side of the room and a penny were on the other side of the room. He would risk his life to save the penny first and his daughter second. In the Spongebob movie, Mr. Krabs sees King Neptune coming to his restaurant and marks up his sandwiches to the $100 range.

The owner of the fast food franchise where I worked found out that another franchise for the same chain was charging more for their fries. Instead of using the opportunity to advertise that his price was lower, he used to opportunity to raise the price on his own fries. He required all of us to charge .10 cents for any extra items that didn't already come on the sandwich. For example, one sandwich didn't come with pickles, but a customer asked for pickles. I tried to charge the customer an extra 10 cents as I had been instructed and got into an argument with the customer. Instead of defending me, the owner told the customer what a S.O.B. I was and refunded his .10 cents. Part of the owner's franchise agreement with the chain was that his employees were required to give out two packets of free condiments with every sandwich sold. He found out how much this was costing him and told us only to give them out if the customers asked for them. How many times have you gone to a fast food place and forgot to ask for the ketchup? Some of these places are exactly the same, they don't give it out unless you ask. Customers get in the habit of the condiments being placed in the bag without having to ask. When a cheapskate owner decides that he's going to save money by cutting back on the condiments all it does is make customers angry and not want to come back.

Anyway, in honor of my former employer, I have used The Gimp to draw his likeness and post it on this blog and am declaring January 30 cheapskate franchise owner day. I used to also work in the hospitality industry and hotel franchise owners are a bunch of cheapskates too. (Okay, not all of them, just most.) Today is the day where you get to tell your kids that you're too cheap to buy a 10 pack of pencils but instead cut one pencil into 10 pieces for your kids to share. The kid that makes the most mistakes gets the eraser. Instead of throwing away that bottle of ketchup that has less than a teaspoon of ketchup left, put a little water in it and shake it up. You can do this 3 or 4 times before you have to throw the bottle away. Instead of buying a fancy gourmet pizza, go to the store and by a 91 cent Tostinos pizza and put your favorite vegetables on top of it; may I suggest the Danish blue cheese and frozen peas as toppings? It's out of this world. Instead of throwing away that bottle of maple syrup that the ants got into, tell your kids that there are two kinds of syrup in this world: creamy and crunchy. Instead of buying your kid his favorite comic book, buy him a ream of printer paper and a Bic fountain pen with the black, red, green, and blue ink and tell him to draw his own comics.

Yay, yay, yay, it's International Cheapskate Day. Sing it high, sing it loud, sing it low, sing it proud! It's International Cheapskate Day. We love you L.W.!!!

My prescription for a bad headache

Take one Rockstar and two Excedrin Tension Headache Geltabs and call me in the morning.

Peter Corroon really chaps my hide

Can I just say, I hate Peter Corroon more than any other politician in the world right now? That would include Kim Jong "mentally" Ill and that idiot in Iran. Here's a post about it from KSL's site:

"[Stadiums] are a revenue source for the community that surrounds them. The E-Center is used for events other than hockey and it brings a good amount of money into West Valley. That's why West Valley supports it. Art centers and planetariums encourage learning, learning encourages invention, invention encourages business, business encourages tax revenue. Everything is about economics. Why did you get married? Love? I don't think so. Because two people working is more economical than one and there's a tax break for married couples. Why are we fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan? Because we were attacked by terrorists on 9-11-01? Yes. And how did that effect us financially as a nation? It was one of the worst times in our economic history since the 1930s. By controlling the regions where the terrorists come out of, we also control their ability to attack us and affect our economy.

People here seem to think that soccer wont bring in money because soccer has never been popular or because they don't like it. Soccer is growing and will continue to grow. David Beckham is more well known than Michael Jordan and he now plays in our 2nd largest city, Los Angeles. Ronaldo, who plays for Real Madrid and Brazil's national team has expressed interest in playing in New York for the Red Bulls. Did Michael Jordan sell tickets for the NBA and close TV deals and make advertising revenue? HELL YEAH! Will Beckham and Ronaldo do the same? Again, HELL YEAH!

One of my art teachers at UVSC, Perry Stewart said there are two ways of looking at something, you can either look directly at the object, or look past the object. It's when you learn to look past the object that your best art comes out. I think this analogy applies here, because people are focusing on what soccer has been, not what it will become. Look through the raindrops on your windshield and you will see the road ahead. Look past the money that is being used to fund the infrastructure and see the revenue that soccer Super-Stars and the world economy will bring to Utah.

Of course that's my opinion, I could be wrong."

South Pass and William Henry Ashley

I'm reading a book about the early exploration of the American West, before and after the Louisiana purchase. One of the most significant finds by explorers was South Pass, a pass that allowed relatively easy passage over the Rocky Mountains and the Continental Divide. I don't live too far away from South Pass but was never aware of its existence or importance until reading about it.

In 1822 Ashley and business partner Andrew Henry -- a bullet maker whom he met through his gunpowder business -- posted famous advertisements in St. Louis newspapers seeking one hundred "enterprising young men . . . to ascend the river Missouri to its source, there to be employed for one, two, or three years." The men who responded to this call became known as "Ashley's Hundred." Between 1822 and 1825, Ashley and Henry's Rocky Mountain Fur Company, did several large scale fur trapping expeditions in the mountain west. Ashley's men are officially credited with the American discovery of South Pass in the winter of 1824. Ashley devised the rendezvous system in which trappers, Indians and traders would meet annually in a predetermined location to exchange furs, goods and money. His innovations in the fur trade earned Ashley a great deal of money and recognition, and helped open the western part of the continent to American expansion. In 1828 he explored present-day northern Colorado, ascending the South Platte River to the base of the Front Range, then ascending the Cache la Poudre River to the Laramie Plains and onward to the Green River.

This One Is For Troy!

Troy says that every time he sees this he thinks of me. Personally, I'd like to know what you're implying Troy. Huh? Howz bout it? Anyway, here it is, a clip from Bedazzled where he wishes to be a world class basketball player, a player that moves and jumps like Jordan, that shoots like Hornacek and is as tall as Bradley. He doesn't count on the Devil having a sense of humor. He is lacking in one thing, well at least one thing. Enjoy.

You can't beat a band like this - George Harrison, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, and Jeff Lynne. Great song!

The revenge of Billy Ray Cyrus

Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think he'll understand, and if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart he might just release his daughter to take revenge on the world!

Am I the only one that thinks Hannah Montana's (Miley Cyrus) music is just as crappy as her dad's awful one hit wonder?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

The return of Hanson

Can you say Mmm Bop? I knew you could.

If you're a fan of Nickelodeon, and who isn't? then you have seen the promos and ads for "The Naked Brothers Band". I think they sound like Hanson and smell like Christina Aguilera (whatever that means).

So, we see, what goes around comes around; "The Naked Brothers Band" Hanson for Generation Y (or whatever you call this generation of kids.) I already feel more stupid for posting this.

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby , so on impulse, I told her no, I was
starting The Purina Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of myorifices and IV's in both arms.
Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy standing just behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a
car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the
door.

And now a word from our sponsor!

Thirst Rockers is a proud sponsor of the Feeble Attempts at Humor blog since 1643. Thirst Rockers, when you don't want to quench your thirst, you want to rock it.

Thirst Rockers is not a sponsor of Real Salt Lake and their name will not appear on the front of their jerseys. Thirst Rockers is also not a sponsor of NASCAR. Thirst Rockers has been found to cause priapism in laboratory rats and irregular coloring of bowel movements in bovines. Drink responsibly.

Dog wisdom

Dog wisdom

There is more truth than poetry in some of the sayings


The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went
-Will Rogers


There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam


Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people,
who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money!
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from a grocery with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

FarCry Screen Shots

FarCry is a first-person shooter by Ubisoft. It's been out for a few years but has some pretty sweet graphics. I was about to finish it and ended up formatting my computer. I guess I should have backed up my game files. Here are some screen shots, again at different video levels. The later shots should be better quality:

Battlefield 2 Screen Shots

I was experimenting with my video settings (these photos are out of order by the way) and was able to get some really good quality. I have an NVidia GeForce 6800 Go for an Alienware Area 51 model 7700 laptop. Alienware hasn't updated their OEM NVidia drivers for two years and it's impossible to update them from NVidia's site because they're OEM drivers. But I found a workaround that seems to have done the trick. You'll notice that the first screen shots have better quality than the later ones.

Larry H. Miller disses Andre Kirelenko

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/basketball/nba/01/19/kirilenko.jazz.ap/index.html?eref=si_topstories

Michael Hutchense interviewed by John Stewart

Here's one of M.H.'s final interviews, just a few months before his death:

INXS - I Send A Message

I remember plugging my Walkman up to the P.A. system at my high school's seminary building and blasting this song. The amazing this is that I didn't get my tape or Walkman confiscated. This is a nice dance number.

Craig Ferguson on David Beckham coming to L.A.

I think he's got the soccer player voice down perfect. I've talked to both Clint Mathis and Jason Kreis and they sound just like Beckham, but without the English accent of course. Eddie Pope's the only one that's got a real man's voice.

INXS - Burn for You

My all time favorite INXS song. I saw them perform this song live at the BYU Marriott Center back in February of 1985. R.I.P. Mike.

INXS - Tight

Here's one of INXS' lesser known ditties, Tight. A funky little number that kind of reminds me of some of Prince's earlier work. It looks like this was put together after Hutchense's untimely demise. I can tell that the video is cut out of other INXS videos and concerts: