Becoming a Follower of The Lord:
My Conversion from Mormonism to Christianity
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| Resurrected Jesus appears to Saul on the road to Damascus |
Saul was dedicated to the persecution of early Christians and was responsible for the deaths of many Christians. While on the road to Damascus, the resurrected Jesus appeared to Saul in a great light. Saul was struck blind and regained his sight 3 days later. This event in Saul's live was the impetus for Saul to begin preaching that Jesus of Nazareth is the Jewish Messiah and the Son of God. He also changed his name to Paul.
During the life of Christ, many people knew that Christ was the Messiah and the Son of God but they were too afraid what the Pharisees would do to them and were too afraid that they would lose the praise of others - "the leaders liked praise from others more than they liked praise from God" (John 12:42-43 (Contemporary English Version).
I'm aware of a celebrity who hosts a popular radio talk show who has commented more than once that Christianity appeals to him but he hasn't had a "Saul on the road to Damascus moment". This blog post is about how I personally knew the truth but hadn't had a "Saul on the road to Damascus moment" and was too afraid of what my Mormon friends and family would do to me if I were to leave Mormonism for Christianity.
In 2010, we were living in Eagle Mountain, Utah. My daughter was friends with a Born-Again Christian girl named Jane (not her real name). Jane's mother Melanie (not her real name) had invited us to her church in Saratoga Springs, Utah. I made arrangements to leave work and went to church with my family and Melanie's family for about 30 minutes before I had to return to work. I thought to myself how much I just wanted to leave the Mormon church and join Melanie's church. I wasn't entirely sure why, but I was starting to have some doubts about Mormonism even then and wanted to follow Christ. Yet, I was still too afraid to broach the subject with my wife. I was too afraid that she would be afraid of me leaving Mormonism and would kick me out. I was also afraid what our Mormon neighbors would think, so I kept it to myself.
In 2010 I still didn't have an understanding of grace either. I still thought grace was something that was earned. I thought forgiveness was something that was conditional and that the atonement of Christ only applied if I was putting for full effort. So, even though I didn't trust Mormonism, I didn't have a grasp on the Christian concept of grace versus the Mormon concept of grace. (See Ephesians 2:8-9)
In the Summer of 2012 my family was now living in St. George, Utah. I had a major crisis where I decided either that I was going to "outer darkness" (the Mormon version of Hell) or that God simply did not exist at all. I won't go into all the details here, but suffice to say July 23, 2012 was one of the worst days in my life and the life of my family. The events of this particular day gave me great cause to consider how a parent would treat a child in need of forgiveness. I made a decision that a loving parent would never require a child to earn forgiveness. A loving parent would not limit forgiveness to one opportunity but unlimited opportunities. As a Mormon, I was never taught that Christians believed in unconditional forgiveness and unlimited grace. So, as Bono once said, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
Between August 2012 and January 2013 I started reading the Contemporary English Version (CEV) of the New Testament and would discuss what I was reading with two Christian friends in my workplace. At some point, my Christian friend asked me if I believed what I was reading in the Bible. I did. My Christian friend asked me why I was still Mormon. I didn't have a good answer. I did have an excuse though - I'm afraid to go to a different church, I'm comfortable where I am. I also realized that it was dishonest to pretend to believe something I didn't. My friend helped point me to a local non-denominational Christian church that specialized in Mormons coming out of Mormonism and transitioning to Christianity.
On January 27, 2013, I attended the non-denominational Christian church. The Pastor invited us to fill out cards if we wanted more information about the church. I filled out a card and also e-mailed the Pastor. He contacted me and we made arrangements to talk by phone the next day. On January 28, 2013 I spoke to the Pastor. I don't remember everything we discussed, but I told him my feelings on forgiveness. I told him that I felt that God was a loving parent and that a loving parent would never place conditions on forgiveness other than the child's admission that he/she did something wrong and was contrite. The Pastor told me "that's what we believe too". I don't know if I was just really naive but I never knew Christians believed this way. I felt like Mormonism had hidden that from me and had lied about what Christians believed on many levels. Something I often told people as a Mormon missionary, "If you want to know about Mormons, why would you ask our enemies about us and not us?" Well, I guess the same could be said about Christianity. Not to imply that Mormons are enemies of Christianity, but I'm simply asking, why was I asking Mormons what Christianity believed instead of asking Christians?
The asked me if I had a desire to follow Christ and enter into a relationship with Christ. I told him I did. The Pastor invited me to say a prayer that night. I don't remember everything I prayed, but I do remember that I made a distinction between the biblical Jesus and the Mormon Jesus and told God that I wanted to have a relationship with the Biblical Jesus if that was the true Jesus and that I would disavow the Mormon Jesus if there was a difference. I also desired a forgiveness of my sins (they were really making me depressed).
The next morning, I woke up and thought about the prayer. Almost as soon as I thought about the prayer, I felt a peace come over me. I told the Pastor about this and he said, "Don't trust that feeling, back it up with the Bible." I told a Christian what the Pastor said and she said, "The Pastor doesn't want to use your feelings to manipulate you into becoming a Christian, he wants you to find the answers in the Bible."
So, I wouldn't say that I had a "Saul on the road to Damascus moment", but something did happen. I knew right then that I was going to announce that I was leaving Mormonism. A month later, I sent a resignation letter. I was afraid of losing family, friends, and welfare assistance from the LDS church. I was more afraid of offending God by choosing to remain Mormon. I felt a peace. I felt that God would be there for me as long as I put my faith in him. Without being specific, I have seen enough evidence of this to further believe that God has been there and will continue to remain there. In fact, even if I lose faith in God, He'll still remain there. (John 6:36-39)
27 My sheep know my voice, and I know them. They follow me, 28 and I give them eternal life, so that they will never be lost. No one can snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father gave them to me, and he is greater than all others.[a] No one can snatch them from his hands,
(John 10:27-29)
32 You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
(John 8:32)
